NBSB

I'm not interested in suitors. I dodge having one. I don't like it.

For me, just befriending the boys around me is enough. I'm contented with my girlfriends. I'm happy being single -- for exactly 19 years and 11 months of my existence here in the world. Hahaha.

I don't actually hate guys... but I don't like them either.
--- though honestly, I'm not really like this before... not before some sort of "experiences".
 
I actually get flattered easily. One of my weaknesses is my eyes. Usually when I look at someone else' eyes, I'm gonna feel something already. Well, I mean it's what catches me -- the longer I look, the deeper I'll be attach. It is most especially in case of an eye-to-eye contact -- because it affects me more! That's why I always avoid eye-to-eye contacts with a guy (another side of me unveiled).

So the thing is: BOYS COME AND GO. They love to start, but they can't keep... till the end. Frankly, they do really END!


 I admit, I'm a hard-to-get type of girl.

The scene goes like this:

There is this girl. There is this boy. The boy offers some hints to the girl. The courtship begins. Along the way, the girl's still not gonna give in yet she starts to like the boy. The girl wants to see how the boy's gonna go further to pursue her just to make sure he's serious. Then when she's ready, the boy's nowhere. To realize, the boy's not really serious. For a short period of time, END.


I admit, I'm a very insecure type of girl.

Another scene goes like this:

There is this girl. There is this boy. The girl actually likes the boy. Suddenly the boy makes his move. Even if the girl have mutual feelings towards the boy, she will pretend not to be interested in the boy. Again, it is because the girl wants to see how the boy's gonna go further to pursue her just to make sure he's serious. Then when she's ready, she will know other girl (s) who like (s) the same boy. Regardless of ALL, she gets insecure. END.


Is it bad to be such type of girl? I can't do anything about it. It's my personality.

But I think it's only natural to act like one, am I right? And so the boy just must do anything to break this wall, isn't it? Or am I the only one with such mentality?

I don't think I'm too much of it. It's just within the level. So is the problem still about me?

Whatever it is, I don't really hate guys. I just don't trust them... not anymore.

So blabbering. So lack of one word. So disappointing. They just give heartbreaks. They just make eyes water. They just make me love my pillow more and more.

So now, when I feel that someone's making a move, I make my own move as well before he can even start what he's planning. What's the move? To push them away. I don't say a word. I don't talk. But I'm gonna show that I'm not interested. It's all in my actions. And this move of mine always works. ALWAYS WORKS.

Maybe someday... Something's gonna change... At the right time... At the right place... With the right person... Maybe... Someday...

3rd week of Internship

09/15

First time to work with Ma'am DJA. Didn't have a chance to do bleeding. She is so strict.

Another person added on my list. I met Ma'am T! ;)

I've got a hateful PIMPLE!!!!!

Worse, FLOOD! So we just rode the LRT.

09/16-17

ILL -- still, but I never skip my duty.

I even got so much embarrassment these last few days, so I feel very blue.

09/18

Ma'am MGC talked to me… My impression to her changed somehow.

I saw her, yeah. And I felt like I was really afraid of her. I wanted to apologize but was too shy to approach her. I still can't get over it. I still feel blue, depressed and sad.

The good thing, Ma'am CDGM was our staff. Love it! No donor though. But I have done several ABO and Rh.

2nd week of Internship

09/10

I failed one venipuncture. I failed in bleeding. My self-esteem was totally depressed.

Another mistake: Never leave a phone call without knowing the complete details about it. I just did. Okay, first, I know how to answer a phone call. The thing, I have no idea about the caller's inquiry, and there was no one at immediate area to rescue me. Of course, being a newbie in panic -- or that was only me? -- anyway, I left the phone on hold and looked for anyone. The problem, the moment my back up came, the caller hanged up already. This back up suddenly asked me what was the call all about. I have nothing to answer. Haha. So stupid. I hate the caller. Hehe.

I realized, one can avoid neither scolding nor embarrassment for this internship.

09/11

Blood letting.

Of us, three on duty interns today, I was left alone in the blood bank while my 2 post mates were brought along at the hospital 6th floor -- the main location for the bloodletting today. Not bad. I felt free again. Our staff for today was Ma'am JMB -- and she was up there as well. Hehe.

The bad thing, I was the only one -- as in the only one -- on the blood bank. I worried what if there would be some any problem or what, and I didn’t know what to do. Just thankful, the day passed without any big drama. Haha.

Anyway, the bloodletting today is a program of the medical students of MCU, the school of this hospital. About the workload, of course, I was able to do some help as well. Some of the donors were sent on blood bank so I was the one who took care of them. There were just some kind of little pressure since our donors are medical students!!!!! And take note, some of them have medical technology as pre-med!!!!

By the way, felt okay because I managed not to be so excited to see him.

09/12-13

OFF - BORED TO DEATH.

09/13-14

ILL TO DEATH.

But still I went on duty on 14. That was when I heard the love story of Ma'am CDGM and his husband. Ma'am CDGM was the one who told the story herself. His husband was a blood donor and she was the staff on duty on that day. The guy said he would wait for her 'til she finished her shift and that was where it all began! Hahaha!So sweet!!! I even learned that their story is known among all the hospital employees. Why? Well, that is because before, she was awarded as the most hospitable-friendliest-nicest-something like that employee, and during the awarding ceremony, the presenter introduced her by telling that she even got her husband because of her pleasing personality! Hahaha!

First time to work with Gh, so much embarrassment. I'm not gonna tell the story.

1st week of Internship

09/05

1st day in post. And my first post is Blood Bank.

New environment. New faces. New interactions. Where I'm not good at. New routine. Need a BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG ADAPTATION!!!!! Thanks to AJM and most especially to him [blushing]. I kinda feel like I like him. [blushing more]. I can't help feeling tickled pink when I'm thinking of him. Agh!! So embarrassing to admit! Nice meeting him. Just a little disappointment that I wasn't able to get his contact #! I want to be friends with him, even outside duty! At first I didn't really know his name, couldn't understand it even after AJM have already introduced him to me. But I got to know it after seeing the schedule posted in our bulletin. So it was G... As in Earth. Hehe.
 

09/06

2nd day in post.

7 am to 7 pm. NO BREAK! So tired. So exhausted. But prepared somehow. I got excited and inspired for this day because I knew I would get to see him again [blushing]. But after he left after his shift… ='( so sad ='(

I felt a little embarrassed for some of my mistakes, especially when I broke 1 glass tube while making my first RCS.

I felt a little nervous when Ma'am JMB asked something about our work. Not that I really didn't know but I was not actually sure about what I would gonna say. Good that I was not the one asked but my other companions ;) or else I would get more embarrassed… in front of him!!!

Nervous. Afraid. Tense. Especially when Ma'am gets into not mood. So scary!!!

Oh by the way, I got to know his full name! I saw in his laboratory gown. Gonna find his facebook ;) but when I have time [blushing].

One thing that made me feel very flattered today. "I thought you're a doctor!"  These were the words of some of our blood donors -- take note, different persons. Do I look like one now? Hahaha!

09/07

3rd day in post.

Met more people -- other staffs, personnels, and interns. Became even more close, hence, more comfortable with my senior co-interns. Just so sad that he was off.

But generally, I love today! I felt free! Ma'am JMB was off! ;)

I realized, what is difficult in our tasks is not our tasks per se. Instead, familiarizing with all the persons, technical jargon of the hospital-lab and the locations of wards.

And oh! Donors today are not as nice as yesterday's!

Got to know new places -- places to eat.

09/08

4th day in post. My 1st Sunday duty.

Excited to go to duty now 'coz I know he's also on duty. However, I felt bad as soon as I saw him, because when I smiled at him (well, not actually smile), he shook his head like " tsk tsk tsk". Felt like he doesn't like me arriving or what. I don't know.

Ma'am JMB was not our staff for today again! =) Ma'am PP was -- which is a first time. Though I was glad that I wouldn’t be working under Ma'am JMB today, I was not as glad as yesterday when our staff is Ma'am CDGM. I was tensed around Ma'am PP. I even mistaken other staff as her! Gosh!

I feel like becoming more familiar with the hospital wards now. I suddenly remembered the first time I was toured around the hospital -- by him.

I wasn't able to perform venipuncture today, but bleeding several! 24 bled donors so far. Just so disappointed that I wasn't successful in one.
 

09/09

It's Monday but I'm not as busy as my other siblings. I'm off today.

Got time to surf the internet. I looked for his FB -- the thing I have planned several days ago, but I found free time only today.

Gosh! I'm hurt! I'm upset! Really upset! He is with a girl in his profile picture! Even in his cover photo! Is she his girlfriend? Of course she is not his sister! God! I'm so curious! Then I suddenly want to cry. I feel like I really wanna cry. And my eyes became wet. I cry. I don't know. My tears just flow down.

After that, I reminded myself. I'm in that hospital for internship -- for training -- and not for anything else… not anything else.

Such a Long - Short Day

It was our first day in the hospital, but we went to school first to get back the files that we have submitted in the Medical Technology office before because we must bring those files along when we go to the hospital -- which annoyed me a little -- because if not only for that, we wouldn't have to bother ourselves about leaving home earlier or about going to school first instead of just going directly to the hospital -- if only they reminded as beforehand, not just the night before the day we were about to go to the hospital. That just pissed me off.

However, it was still a good thing since we were able to go to the hospital together -- our group -- not all of us though. We even have a time to eat before we leave. Furthermore, it was more convenient, since honestly, I still didn't know the exact way to the hospital. I and MLA were actually planning to go visit the place beforehand but we were too late. It was already the day set for our hospital orientation.

At school while waiting for our files to be returned to us, our clinical instructors acted like they were sending school their "children" for the first time. They kept reminding us to be good, to stay humble, to not cause any troubles in the first day, to fix ourselves -- Sir JM actually prepared nail cutter, acetone and cotton for those ones wearing nail polishes and for those ones with long nails. Unfortunately, I'm one of the latter -- but just my pinky fingernails. Bitterly, I cut my pinky fingernails.

On our way to the hospital, I met EDS! She is one of my "daughters". I was so happy.

So in the hospital.. in the laboratory.. in the conference room..

Orient. Orient. Orient. Orient.

Then our clinical instructor, Sir PR came. Again, I really felt like a preschooler who was being send to the nursery school because reminders were keep flowing and pouring. I mean it -- but in a good way. I felt good. I actually missed the feeling of being taken cared of -- as a dependent little child -- now that I have really grown up.

And so, we also have a short tour around the laboratory.

Well, I don't know! I really don't know! I felt so alienated during those times. But whatever.

At the end of the day, expectations were replaced by first impressions and realizations.Some were the same. Some were a little different. Well, to think, it was just the first day. We still have 6 months to check it out more.

New Fangirl Here

Got a new interest...

ONE DIRECTION!

These last few days, I've been busy surfing the internet looking for all 1D songs. Hopefully, I have completed all their albums and extended plays already. I even checked their songs' lyrics.

Then today, I just watched all their performances in the The X Factor, where their career started. Well, don't ask why only now.

I took time to be familiar and to memorize their faces and names. Now I do.

Louis William Tomlinson

Zain Javadd "Zayn" Malik

Liam James Payne

Niall James Horan

Harry Edward Styles

I followed their personal accounts in twitter. Oh my -- I was really hooked to them.

Knowing my personality, I don't get easily interested in anything -- but when I do, I really do get persistent.

It's so nice to have a new interest... and so a new inspiration -- something to look forward to.

Orientation

Internship is not a vacation. Internship is hardship.

Almost a week after enrollment and hospital assignments, we went back to school today for our internship orientation.

Well, this last few days, I'm actually feeling a little bit sad. What's bothering me is... I'm gonna miss him. We have different hospital assignments. It's not that I'm not gonna see him anymore 'coz we still have our seminar, which is the day that we will go to school so I still have a chance to see him. However, it's still different from seeing him everyday. So, I tried hard to act and to speak casually while ago when we were talking -- but deep inside, I'm really sad.

So by the way, this is the first time that interns of the same hospital assignment were gathered. As to our group -- MCU group -- majority actually came from our section so there was really no big adjustments regarding knowing each others. We were able to have some good conversations and sharing of thoughts about this and that. What amazed me is some of us seemed like they were given a hint about their hospital assignment 'coz some of them was once confined there. Just like that and wow.

Dr. EM-II, our clinical coordinator gave us a really great talk about this internship thing. I actually voice recorded his (or her? haha) lecture orientation -- though I wasn't able to record from the very beginning, but still good enough to have a keepsake of this day.