Goodbye 2nd post, Hello 3rd post

So! I'm back to Hematology section!

Honestly, it's not really my first time at this post, because this is my temporary post during our unofficial rotation. This was between our first and second post. But generally, it's my first official day here.

Having worked for only 3 days here before and leaving for almost one month, I was a little confused. Hehe. Ma'am Gemma, our staff while ago, was even a little troubled because of us -- to think that I'm the only one who is at least familiar with the routine works here, while my other post mates are completely new in the main lab. Good thing, she's kind and so understanding.

Looking back from the post where we're from, I can't help to smile --  and pout as well. I'm gonna miss Histopathology section. Perhaps it's the best section of all. Though we haven't experience the others yet, I'm pretty sure of it even so.

I'm checking my entries during my stay there, and I just realized something funny…

10/12 Sat 19:49

First time to eat with them. They are the ones who prepared the food.

10/18 Fri 15:43

They are cooking pancakes  =)

10/27 Sun 16:29

I just noticed. I've been eating a lot lately. Next batch for this section, watch out and be ready for a sudden change. =D

Now, have you notice it as well? Hahaha!

Disposition when calling God

"Are you like the Parisian or like the Publican? Are you the one who is knowledgeable about all the laws, and whose prayer is telling that he is a 'good man' comparing himself to the 'sinful man' next to him; or the one who is commonly known as a tax collector hence viewed as abuser, and whose prayer  is telling that he is 'nothing' but a 'sinful man', asking for God's forgiveness?" The homily today says that "The high profile is lowered while the low one is upped."

"God created man in His image and likeness so He will grant his wishes for as long as man admits that he is nothing and He is everything. God will grant man's wishes as long as he asks Him within a particular period of time. God will only answer those who keeps on calling, knocking, asking Him patiently, faithfully and without any hesitations or doubts or second thoughts."

I'm okay now

Got to visit his facebook while ago. His profile picture has changed -- he's alone now. His cover photo has changed as well -- though he's still with his girlfriend.

But I'm not that frustrated anymore. Really! I just feel like, "Okay." And I think that's just really the way it is. Then I suddenly remembered:

"One can only move on once the wound is healed."

Mine is already healing -- or should I say, "healed already"? Because I think, yes -- I'm moving on.

It's my Day -- simple yet fulfilling!

I need neither expensive gifts nor big surprises or any special celebrations, because just knowing that someone remembers and thinks of my day can already move me... and it's more than enough.

I have this hidden agenda that I did beforehand. I didn't talk to anybody about my upcoming birthday. I even purposely hid my birth date in my facebook profile.

Well, it is not because I don't want anybody to know that I'm already getting old -- I don't really care about me being no longer a "teen" -- or I don't want to treat anybody -- I actually planned to treat some (of course just only some -- I'm not a rich person and I'm not yet earning my own money) important people by surprise.

It is because I don't want to be flooded by greetings publicly. So non-sense, but that's the truth. I just really want a silent birthday. And one more thing, I somewhat want to know who are the people who can really remember my day.

And yesterday, my 2 best friends from high school -- Abegail, the one having a family already, and Sheena, the other one who is also still studying like me -- texted me. They greeted me in advance. Seems like they already know and remember my day by heart. I really love them.

Today, Raymar, another best friend from high school also sent his greetings, in FB messenger and K, a friend from elementary in twitter.
  

Still, nobody can defeat one's own family.

 Look at this one: a single flower like me...

This was given to me by ANA two days ago. Yes, two days before my birthday and yet she already made me happy. Not just that. When I asked her why flower, she said: "It was what you have said before. You said, you want to receive a flower on your birthday..." I couldn't even remember that I said that before, but she did.

This morning, the first message that I read in my phone was from our Mommy. It says, "Happy birthday. Wish you luck, child. God bless you!"

Then, Daddy tried to call me as well. It was just that I sounded hoarse due to some cough and colds so I wasn't able to talk to him.

Ate greeted me just upon waking up. She invited me to go to some places (SM, Divisoria). I just didn't really feel like going out -- as usual.

Kuya was the one who treated for our food. We have Jollibee for our lunch, bought by ANA -- and ice cream during dinner. 
 

And the most memorable part of today...

is when I was able to attend the Sunday mass.

Honestly, it was really a long time ago since I was able to go to the Church -- and I consider it as one of the most hateful part of me. So, today was really a remarkable one. I feel like it's really my birthday and I was reborn.
 

So...

That's it, and I feel like I already have a fulfilling day! I need not several people to make my day so special and to make me happy. Just such little things are enough.

Mission accomplished!

Just passed our thesis this afternoon...

After almost 5 or 6 months, finally no more worries!

Why?

I admit, I liked him right from the start -- from the very first day I knew him.

And yes, after that, I wanted to get his phone number. I wanted to add him on Facebook. By all means, I wanted to be close to him -- by having a communication between us.

But I never did anything.

The time I got a chance, I wasn't able to stop myself anymore. I searched his FB. Though it was a little bit hard, I did find it.

But then there it went -- I saw his profile picture and cover photo -- which stunned me -- and hurt me --  and eventually cause me to stupidly cry that night and made my eyes got inflamed the next morning. I didn't send him a friend request.

SIGHS

The following days, I wasn't my normal self anymore. I decided to act casually -- or should I say cold -- around him. I stopped interacting with him first --  even greeting him when he or I arrived. I stopped showing any emotions to him -- not any reactions whenever he talks -- not even a little smile when he jokes or teases me. During those days, I tried so hard to stop myself from liking him.

However, as the days passed, I simply couldn't anymore. I simply couldn't just continue my little hard act anymore. Soon, just like the very days before I knew the hurtful "truth", I started to show myself in front of him again. I let my guard down again. It was because I couldn't just help but be flattered of his words. I couldn't just throw a poker face because just his mere presence could really make me smile. What I thought was, he didn't even know that I like him -- he didn't even know that I was upset -- he knew nothing -- and he would never know anything -- so what was the point of all my actions?

And I forgot and leave the "truth".

Until the day that he had to leave, I gave him a remembrance  -- and that was a handkerchief. A HANDKERCHIEF -- which is a very symbolical thing for me. I only give handkerchief as a gift for those special persons -- special persons for me.

After he was gone, I became like a stalker. I kept on visiting his FB everytime I got a chance -- still considering if I should add him as friend or not -- and this wasn't just once or twice.

I was until today -- I saw and read their public conversations... the whole conversations... their sweet whole conversations...

And now I realized, I really have to stop.

What a shame. What a foolish of me. Making an inspiration out of someone with other inspiration -- that eventhough I already knew it, I still continued. Not that it was bad, but it wasn't good either -- 'coz I just made myself hurt... and hurt again... and hurt more... Why did I put salt to my own wound? Why -- even I already know that it was salt -- did I even started and continued?

Now, I have thought I would just consider it as an infatuation -- just like how I considered my other previous experiences as one... and just move on -- just like how I moved on from my other previous experiences.

But what can I do? It hurts. It really does hurts! 'Coz if it was just an infatuation, why then... why of all other several people... why does it have to be with someone already taken?

So Odd

Just bought another handkerchief -- one which is exactly the same as the one I gave him.

By the way, haven't I mentioned yesterday that I met new people, as in new co-interns? Well, they are the new batch that replaced G's batch. G's batch have already left. They have already completed their internship here at MCU-FDTMF hospital. I haven't really explained but I have at least mentioned before that they are our senior co-interns. That is, because they started ahead of us -- much ahead. It is because in their school, their internship is for 10 months and they have 2 ins -- I mean, they will have their internship for 2 different hospitals, 5 months each, unlike us, who have only 1 in but for 6 months. So the new ins that I have met yesterday are from different hospital, and they already completed  their first in there.

So... I hate it.

I think I really miss him.

I can't even help visiting his facebook timeline every time I have a chance (but he's not my FB friend okay?). I can't, even though I keep on getting hurt -- because he's actually with a girl in both his profile picture and cover photo.

Almost a 360 Degree Turn

First day in Histopathology section!

It's my 2nd post, and we're on our 5th week of internship now.

Well, it was supposedly yesterday but I called it off because I still felt exhausted from my previous temporary post by then.

So anyway, I got mixed feelings about this rotation. It was our first rotation -- not mentioning our temporary post before this.

I feel EXCITED -- knowing that I will experience new things...

but NERVOUS as well -- thinking that I'm like a new intern -- back to zero -- knowing nothing in a whole new world...

HAPPY -- being able to escape from the main lab somehow -- because Histopath section is separated, not just by room but by building...

but at the same time LONELY -- missing it in some points, along with other people there -- I mean my co-interns, which are also my classmates/schoolmates & friends -- and some staffs...

And most of all FULL OF EXPECTATIONS -- having the idea brought by those who are from this post -- that Histopath section is the best best best post among all.


By the way, today I was able to meet new people: co-interns MKPS, SM & ECSE (new ins) -- and staffs Ma'am AH, Ma'am LP, Sir FBJ (well I actually know them already because I usually visit my friends in this section even when my post was still on the main lab) & Ma'am MD.

And... I've done good so far. I was able to learn and to accomplish new routine tasks in one day. Well of course these are not all -- just some; hence, looking forward to learn and to apply the rest soon. Also, gonna really have to see the rest of my days in this post for myself!