At the apartment:
Drained… Drained… Drained…
It’s
now over. It’s all over. I had already done my part. I had already the
final throw of all my hard work for these past five months. For the rest,
I can’t do anything about it anymore… It all depends on Him now…
I
feel bad. Still I wasn’t able to hear the comforting words I want to
hear from my companies here at apartment. Instead, they are even sending
me more stress. While ago as soon as I enter the door, Kuya who is
since a one-time-board-exam-taker-passer has a gut to ask me, “What now, do we already need to prepare a tarpaulin?” Yesterday, before I leave, Daddy told me, “Top the boards! Top the boards, okay? Do your best! You can do it!”
Honestly, I don’t like it. I hate it. I really hate it. What I mean is
they’re saying it like it’s just as simple as that. Isn’t it not okay if
they only hope for me “to just pass only” or “to pass first”? Not only
they pressure me, but they also didn’t even know how to do something,
not even anything, to help me do well in this.
Yesterday after
arriving, I was so pissed. I went home thinking of reviewing more for
this day, the second day of board exam immediately as soon as I got home
-- because the first day didn’t actually went well. However, as soon as
I have arrived apartment, I saw several tasks to be done. After doing
the chores and when finally I decided to start my readings, I still
couldn’t because I have no quiet place to do my thing. I mean, they know
that the living room is basically my room, but they still turned the TV
on with a loud volume. That just really made my head hurt like hell. I
couldn’t concentrate anymore. I lose my drive to review. I even went to
the kitchen instead. While still trying very hard to read that night, I
felt like crying. I was mad at them. I felt like they are so
inconsiderate and so numb. I thought that they just don’t realized how
hard what I was undergoing.
It was just too much that I
even appreciate other people more -- for example, our Ma’am Secretaries
of PERC -- than them. They are really so supportive. Since yesterday,
the first day of our boards, they are already in front of the university
gate, even earlier than us, the examinees. Now, it’s Sunday, the last
day of our boards, and they are still there. I salute them for that.
And
most especially Mommy. I was able to finally talk to her on the phone
while ago. Though only through text message, she’s the only one whom I
was able to express my anxiety about my upcoming boards during these
last few days. I was randomly but constantly sending her sad and crying
faces… and she fully understands how I felt. By merely replying, “Why are you crying again?” I already felt comforted. I remember her text I received yesterday afternoon, she said, “Anak, good luck sa exam mo. God bless!”
I actually didn’t reply to her. And while ago, she texted me again,
asking how’s my exam and if is it already over. That’s when I replied to
her, “Tapos na po… Hintay na lang ng himala. Kadadating ko apartment. Kain na muna…” at 19:51 pm. Then I decided to call her, and we had a good talk. I love her. I really love her.
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